Bring Your Own Bliss

Some people are of the belief (my husband included, by the way) that Valentine’s Day is just a bogus holiday created by the greeting card and candy manufacturing companies to boost up product sales.  In a way you can’t blame people for thinking this way, especially if you’ve ever tried to make dinner reservations or buy your sweetie a dozen roses on February 14th.  It seems like every merchant is trying to take advantage of you and your wallet…kind of ironic for a day that’s supposed to celebrate love and friendship!

Whatever your views on Valentine’s Day are, you cannot argue the fact that any day is a good day to show or tell your loved ones just how much you care.  Having a specific day singled out on our calendars just makes it easier to remember to do what we don’t do often enough - show our appreciation to those who mean the most to us.

So in our house Valentine’s Day is a special day, but it is not a day to go out to dinner (bad service and outrageous prices,) it is not a day to buy flowers (never fresh and overpriced,) nor a day to buy candy (neither of us has a sweet tooth and who needs the extra calories?)  What we do is plan something special, something out of the ordinary.  Sometimes just abandoning your daily routine is fulfillment enough.  We buy each other romantic cards that express our feelings towards each other, we prepare a home cooked meal of our favorite foods, open up a good bottle of wine or champagne and set aside plenty of alone time. If you want to splurge, spend a bit more on your menu items or maybe buy some sexy lingerie.  The point is to stretch the dollar to get more value for your money, and use the savings on yourselves!

Let’s all seize control of this holiday and make it uniquely our own. I guarantee you it will be more intimate, more meaningful and will make you feel so proud you did not fall into the dreaded V-Day trap!

If I had a penny for every time someone asked me what B.Y.O.Bliss meant…let’s just say, my bank account would be a lot fatter!  The acronym B.Y.O.Bliss stands or Bring Your Own Bliss and it’s a concept that I became aware of a few years ago.  I know it seems obvious to some, but to me it was a life-altering revelation. 

Throughout the course of our lives, we are conditioned to believe that exterior things define who we are and determine our level of happiness.  In other words, if we own nice things, land a great job, marry the high school football team captain, etc; we will live a blissful existence.  The formula sounds simple and most of us will probably spend our entire lives trying to prove that it works, but…does it?

In reality, it is quite the opposite.  If we believe that these things are, in fact, the root of our happiness, the greater the likelihood that achieving these things will only bring emptiness and dissolution.  True happiness comes from within yourself and has little to do with the outside world around you.  Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m not suggesting that your significant other, a satisfying career or your beloved children do not and cannot bring you happiness.  I am simply stating that if you are not at peace with yourself, no body and no thing can satisfy that happiness you crave.

So…How can we learn to love ourselves and find our inner Bliss? 

1- Be Patient!  It’s a life-long journey

I wish I could tell you to read a list of self-help books, meditate 7 hours per week and drink a daily dose of green tea with anti-oxidants and that miraculously your life will change.  The truth is, however, that the journey towards self discovery and improvement is one we embark on for the long haul.  The good news is that the work you do pays off and that the person you end up with is a much better companion that the one you embarked on your travels with.  Be patient! Every day poses a new challenge and some days are better than others, but if we follow down that road with our sights set on a list of goals, we will move closer to them each day.

2- Bring a road map

I made a list of things that were important to me: family, friends, spirituality, career, health, and charity.  I refer to my list as “Bliss List.” These items on my bliss list are, by the way, in no particular order for a very important reason.  Sometimes, family needs more focus than career or vice versa.  If a friend is going through a divorce, she will probably get my undivided attention for as long as she needs me, even if it means sacrificing some quality time with my husband.  While on vacation, I say goodbye to my daily workouts and enjoy eating to my heart’s content…the gym will still be there when I get back.  In other words, all these aspects of my life are equally important to me and contribute to my inner happiness, but my goal is to keep these things in a “relative balance” whereby all are given the just attention they deserve at the proper time, and no aspect is overlooked or neglected for too long.  Finding that balance can sometimes be tricky and takes much discipline, but striving towards it is rewarding and satisfying.

At any given time one or more of these aspects will be off balance.  That is human nature.  I may be faced with an illness, I may go through a great loss or I may lose my job.  This can undoubtedly cause turmoil within, but if you have worked on all the other aspects of your own “road map” I guarantee that you will find the strength you need to survive, overcome, and learn a lesson about yourself in the process.  This lesson will then be etched in your road map for use on future travels.

3- Find the power within

Always remember that you have no control over the surprises that life throws your way and that you have no control over any person who comes into your life, but you can control yourself.  If you are unsatisfied with a situation, look inside yourself and ask yourself what YOU can do to make things better.  Make a list of positive changes that you want to accomplish.  How do you visualize yourself in a “perfect world?” The power to change things lies within YOU!  We only live life once, so let’s make the best of it.  Go ahead…find your inner Bliss!

During a tough economy such as this one, it becomes even more evident that there are many things around us over which we have no control.  Feeling helpless and powerless can be extremely frustrating, and at times, even overwhelming, but moments like these can also present great opportunities for those who are willing to accept the challenge.  It is in these trying times that we must shift our focus towards improving those significant things around us which we actually can control!  To name just a few: our thoughts, our attitude and our relationships.

Every single one of us has reasons to feel sad and depressed, but we also have a million reasons to be happy and motivated.  The important thing is to make a daily conscious effort to engage in an “attitude of gratitude.”  At first, you may find this evolution difficult, especially at this moment in history when so many of us are experiencing first-hand the devastation of this economic crisis, but as soon as you start thinking and making a list of all the blessings in your life, your emotions will quickly catch up with your brain, and your attitude will follow shortly thereafter.

It is during these difficult and demanding times that we must learn to nurture the relationships and the things in our lives that matter most. Sadly, we have all seen money, jobs and homes come and go, but it is the intangibles that stay with us forever, if we nurish and care for them.  I created Wedded Bliss before the economy took it’s turn for the worse, but it’s message was relevant then and is even more relevant now.  In a marriage, like in life, there will always be rough patches, and success is measured not by the amount of obstacles you are or are not faced with, but rather by if and how you are able overcome them.

I encourage all of you to pinpoint the good things in your life, be genuinely grateful that you have them, and cherish the people that are important to you because if you do, when this storm (or rather hurricane) is over, you will still be standing and you won’t be alone.

Life is a celebration, Bring your own BLISS!!!